5 Golden Rules on How to Get Mugged in Kenya

Kenya is a country full of breathtaking experiences. In this pearl of Africa, you come across great landscapes; meet a variety of people from over 42 different ethnic tribes and spend enchanted nights and days in some of the best top-rated accommodation in the world.

It is an ideal holiday destination, a great place for investing and of course a potentially prime location for getting mugged. Below is a 5-point list of possible things you can do to yield the highest success rate in this endeavour. This list is based on several years of research including the authors’ own real life experiences. Hope you find one that works for you but you are also welcome to try all of them:

If you walk around the streets carrying branded bags like SONY camera cases, HP, DELL or Toshiba laptop bags, you stand a very high chance of a successful mugging. If on the other hand you cleverly carry your camera or laptop in non-branded bags, you will most likely score a 0% success rate with thieves.

When you unleash your guide map in a busy crowded public place to check or confirm a bearing, you will be sending a clear signal that you do not know your way around. If on the other hand you did all your preliminary work in your hotel room or in a secluded area like a restaurant wash room or inside a reputable supermarket or retail store, you again score a low of between 2-3% success rate of a mugging.

Of all the time tested techniques mugger attracting techniques ever used, the one that has yielded the highest success rate is moving around looking confused and lost! That is always a winner. If you show people that you are not sure where you are going, you will most certainly succeed in attracting muggers who will tail you until you make a mistake. Those who walk around with an air of confidence even when they haven’t the slightest idea where they are, never become candidates for a successful mugging. They even make it worse when they carefully choose who they make enquiries from (hotel staff, the police, etc).

If you are the type that gives a single-minded attention to what you are doing so that you close out everything else taking place around you, then you automatically qualify as mugging material. Kenyans walk around on a kind of a shared hosting plan. They never dedicate all their bandwidth to one thing – this is recipe for mugging because you lose focus on your surrounding. Engaging all your senses while succeeding in looking calm and normal on the other hand, reduces prospects of a mugging.

Whenever you use public transport and you are wearing lose clothing, then you have strategically positioned yourself for a successful pick pocketing. Lose-fitting clothing tends to be easier for muggers because it offers the lowest resistance and chances of you ever feeling anything odd as the mugger digs deep into your pockets are equally low. For you who is fond of tight-fitting jeans or the safari-type khakis with heavy-duty zips, you may never fall in this category and so your success rate may most likely be very low.

If you follow these Five Golden Rules, you will most certainly succeed in your campaign to get mugged in Kenya.

I believe these rules may also apply to most other countries in the world of course with some minor adjustments here and there. So you can as well consider these to be universal strategies of achieving a good mugging success rate.

Do write to me or leave a message on my travelogue Enchanted Landscapes Travelogue to share your success rate or any other ingenious ideas you may have. Have mugging-filled day.

By: Henry Kimathi

About the Author:

Henry Kimathi began writing poetry at the age of 15 alongside other literary works. He holds a BSc. in Agricultural Economics and is currently finalising his MBA thesis in Management Information Systems. Besides Economics, Henry is also a Web Design Specialist, Computer Programmer and a DeskTop Publishing Specialist. Henry currently works as a Regional Communications Officer with an international not-for-profit organisation and is in charge of systems administration, creative art design and press management. He has written two unpublished novelletes and is working on an African horror novel. He has penned a series of short stories and articles on a variety of topics published in journals and magazines. Henry realises little is known about his country Kenya and has thus developed a passion to right this through a website he has put together which can be accessed at www.enchanted-landscapes.com

Poems by Henry Kimathi: Poems from the heart

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